April Fool’s Day has come and gone. But I wonder how many people used the traditional day to abuse a partner.
Just like “brutal honesty” is an excuse to be brutal under the guise of “I’m only being honest,” “I was only joking” is a deliberate way to insult while implying the person who is the brunt of the joke should not be hurt or angry.
There is so much wrong with the “joking” insult. When men do this to a partner in private, it’s usually a pointed comment about something she feels insecure or embarrassed about. “You don’t look fat in those jeans, you look huge… Oh, come on, I’m only joking.” The latter comment adds there’s something wrong if she doesn’t have a sense of humor. About being fat or the fact that you find her not good enough, i.e. fat, an unforgiveable characteristic for many women.
The effect of the insulting joke is amplified in a public setting. He doesn’t have to laugh at her himself. He exposes her insecurities or secrets and encourages others to express the abusive laugh.
“Tiffany’s not paranoid – she just thinks everyone is waiting for her to get plastered and take her top off again.”
“Brenda doesn’t like to dance in public ... because we didn't bring enough singles.”

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