Parenting through the holidays

Whether or not you celebrate this time of year for spiritual reasons, the holiday season

is an opportunity to teach children values and interpersonal skills.

Beginning with Thanksgiving, a time for thanks and giving. Model counting your own blessings, and consider what you/they can do something for someone else. An awareness of some responsibility to care for vulnerable others provides a balance to selfishness and exploitation.

Another of the most important skills for kids to learn is delayed gratification. Jails are full of people who wanted it now instead of waiting for or working for what they wanted.

Look up the 1960’s Marshmallow Test and watch the video of children resisting or not resisting immediate rewards. Longitudinal tracking over the next several years revealed

that children with more self-control had healthier lifestyles with better academic success, better emotional regulation, and less risk-taking behaviors than children who could not delay gratification.

Of course, this progression is not linear or inevitable. Replication of this experiment in 2020 showed that other factors also play a part in eventual lifestyles. But the original conclusions were modified, not invalidated.

The holiday season provides a fun way to teach delayed gratification. Advent

Calendars! Or if advent is not a part of your spiritual beliefs, but you can tolerate

promoting capitalism and the myth of Santa Claus, Countdown Calendars! Making the

waiting fun.

Whatever your belief system, you can point out that just as we celebrate Presidents Day

with a day off school, Christmas is, for some, a celebration of the day designated as

Christ’s birthday. And since traditionally he got three gifts, they’ll also get three gifts.

Not sure where you’ll find myrrh, so maybe Legos instead.

New Year’s Day gives us all the chance to be a better person in the new year. Share

with your kids what you will do better or differently, and let them hold you accountable.

Of course, they should also identify what they can do better or differently. Talk about

keeping commitments and perseverance and how you will support them.

Okay, you don’t like Thanksgiving or Christmas. I’m an enthusiastic proponent of

National Day Calendar (www.nationaldaycalendar.com) which gives you a daily reason

to celebrate and tuck a little learning into the fun. There are several other special days

in other cultures at this time of year. Some to explore and learn about together include

• Hanukkah (Jewish): usually late November–December

• Kwanzaa (African-American): December 26 – January 1

• Ōmisoka (Japanese): December 31

• Bodhi Day (Buddhist): December 8

• Yule (Pagan/Wiccan) around Winter Solstice (Dec. 21–22

• Las Posadas (Mexican) Dates: December 16–24

• Dongzhi Festival (Chinese): winter solstice

• Festivus (Pop Culture): Dec. 23

• Chinese New Year: when the new moon appears between 21 January and

  20 February.

And don’t forget Bah, Humbug Day on December 21, a day to light-heartedly express all your holiday frustrations.